A resilient person is someone who can bounce back from a set-back.
We all have experienced adversity. Some have experienced more adversities than others. And whenever that person bounced back from a negative experience, he or she is building his or her resilience muscle.
When we experienced significant loss or pain, we tend to face other problems with more courage since we have been through worse. We face set-backs with more confidence knowing that this too shall pass and you will conquer this too.
Without adversities, we wouldn’t be able to become the resilient person that we are today.
But why is it so hard to heal from the losses and pains we had experienced?
It is because we haven’t fully processed the traumatic or significant events that happened in our lives!
We are who we are because of what happened to us in the past. Whether we experienced a lot of good events in our lives or some negative significant events, it leaves an imprint in our brains.
Good events influence our self-confidence, self-trust and self-esteem and how we view the world positively.
While bad events or traumas (small repeated events of bullying, neglect, shaming, abandonment, rejections, chaos or abuse, loss, natural disasters, death or illness) can also influence our view of the world and create narratives that can make us respond in defense of ourselves. **Stress Response**
Our reactions to triggers are influenced by traumatic events (big or small) that happened in our lives. If we haven’t resolved these events or issues then we would be responding in ways that can hurt and push people away and can keep us from living fulfilling lives.
So we need to process our traumas.
Processing our traumas starts with telling your story and recognizing the events that caused you distress; events that made you feel abandoned or neglected; chaotic events; painful events or losses.
We need to be able to feel the full pain and make sense of the experience.
Acknowledging the events that happened will help us understand why we do things that we do and help us understand how we navigate our relationships.
When we don’t deal with our traumas or issues, we carry it with us.
If we haven’t made sense of our story, therefore, our past is still impacting our present lives in countless invisible ways. It influences how we parent, how we relate to our partner, how we feel, think, and operate in the world.
Unresolved issues can haunt us even when we try so hard to run away from it and ignore it or hide it or push it away. The only way we can achieve peace is to face these unresolved issues and process them.
Unresolved issues haunt us in many subtle ways: the way we react to others, anger, anxiety, defensiveness, irritability, fear, etc.
Old wounds can have all kinds of physical and psychological effects.
There are many coping mechanisms we can use to help us become less reactive.
These coping mechanisms can lead us to being more mindful BUT it doesn’t resolve our unresolved issues.
Some coping mechanisms you can use to become less reactive:
- Deep breaths – instead of reacting to a trigger take 6 deep breaths
- Pausing – instead of reacting, PAUSE and breathe
- P.A.L.M. exercise – P-ausing. A-cknowledging the feeling. L-earn why you are being triggered. M-indful exercise of rubbing palms together to ground yourself
- Meditation – sitting still for one minute (beginners)
- Regular exercise
- Self care – regular activities that nourishes your mind, body and spirit
WARNING: These coping skills won’t resolve your issues.
Process your past, so you can live in the present, and plan a fulfilling future.
You are here because of your resilience.
Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of the adversities we faced and how we were able to bounced back from it.
A Trauma timeline is your story and it will help you understand why you do what you do and why you think what you think without judgment.
When we understand these things, we become more self aware and it leads you to what you are looking for – healing, connection, healthy relationship, peace, etc.
I can help you with your trauma timeline…